Concussion Update And Other Things

When I wrote my last post, I was house/pet sitting for a full week at a friend's house while they were in Lake Powell. It was really fun because I was able to be in a house that's much bigger and smells much better than my tiny apartment. I brought my dogs with me and they got along just fine with the two dogs at the house, so that was really good to find out because I might possibly be moving in with this family in a few months. I made one major mistake while I was alone in that house - I watched a murder mystery show on netflix...bad idea for someone who has an over active imagination and just got a concussion not too long ago which messed with my mind in a totally different way. :p Anyway, I had my follow-up at the concussion clinic on the 29th and they evaluated all my daily symptom tracking sheets that I had been filling out since my first visit. The follow-up went well and they cleared me for being able to drive again - yay freedom! They were pleased that my symptoms were decreasing in severity as my activity levels were going up, but I was still only at about 50%. They wanted me to make another follow-up and in the meantime bring my daily activity levels up to 100%. Well I'll tell you how that has been going for me - not well, not well at all. I have continuously forgot to call and make the follow-up, and I have been in such a rut the past week that my activity levels were like maybe 20%. I'll be honest, I have been having a really hard time with being unemployed AND having to drop school for a while AND living in such a stressful situation AND trying to keep my relationship with Jordan happy and healthy AND just so many other things. I feel much better than I have and I feel like even though things are rough and will probably still be pretty rough for quite some time that I will be just fine. Another extremely sad and annoying thing that I am having to face is the fact that my mental capacity is extremely different. I get severely upset at everyone and everything including myself whenever I have moments or days that I just cannot think, cannot organize my thoughts, cannot concentrate, and I know that I am just not how I used to be...something is very different...and it hurts me very deeply. I am also still having problems with dizziness and balance, but I suppose those aren't quite as hard to get used to since I've kind of always struggled in that area. Add all of that on top of the health challenges I already face on a never-ending basis, and I am just exhausted in almost every capacity. One thing that gives me comfort at least is that I know that I have so much love and compassion from friends and family as well as my Heavenly Father. The hard thing about knowing that you're actually really blessed and have a really good life is also knowing that you have a lot of hard things to deal with and it just plain hurts. The two don't exactly directly correlate and neither one (trials vs. blessings) negates the other. At any rate, I am trying my best to take each day in stride and just let the Lord help me where He knows I need the help. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, persevering boyfriend to go through all of life's challenges with me. So right now I'm looking for work (still) and would greatly appreciate any kind of work as long as it's not a phone job - that raises my anxiety levels and increases some of my other symptoms of health issues more than anything else. Here's to hitting rock bottom and hoping that the turnaround for the surface follows shortly after. :p