Who Took My Glass??

I guess lately I've kind of been more of a "glass half empty" kind of person. Although, I admit that now it seems as though I don't even have a glass to show for it. The past few weeks have been the biggest, most prolonged roller-coaster I think I have ever been on in my life...with no real end in sight. Until recently I have mostly felt sadness filling my every day, almost to the brim, but the past several days I have really been experiencing what it is like to Just Be ANGRY. When I was just experiencing sadness I was of course also feeling pain and fear and confusion...but now that I feel Anger...I also feel lost...and hopeless. I'm usually a very sweet, docile person unless properly provoked. Well this recent "trial" has provoked me quite properly indeed. As of late, I find myself just wanting to SCREAM!!! Or PUNCH something!!! ALL THE TIME!!!

It is very self destructive.

Trying to "count my blessings" only hurts more, because I see them in a far off horizon, yet I am so deeply and seemingly irrevocably aware of the fact that none of that seems to matter, and that far off horizon only holds a mirage. There are some things that I have been struggling with in excess since the "trial" first began, things that I will not divulge to such a large public at this time, perhaps at a later date, but they have been making my life seem like one big black hole with a neon sign above it that just says, "I don't know."

I want my glass back. At least then there is hope.